Don’t Do This!

Listen up: If you do any of these things just one time, you will have set the precedent for all of eternity.

Kids. You do something once, and they expect it until the end of time. Take note, do not – we repeat DO NOT – make these parenting mistakes because you will have set the precedent for eternity.

  1. Cut off the crust on a sandwich or piece of toast.
  2. Let them push their own stroller (literal hell on wheels).
  3. Promise your 4-year-old a puppy when she’s 10 (guess what, 10 comes WAY faster than you think).
  4. Give them one of those pre-made yogurt smoothies – they have like 25 grams of sugar and taste way better than the healthy ones you make.
  5. Threaten to call the police if they don’t behave (they’ll be terrified of every cop forever).
  6. Let them play with your makeup.
  7. Dangle nightly dessert as the carrot to finish their dinner – no one needs to be eating ice cream every night. No one.
  8. Drink milk in bed – you’ll be cleaning up spilled milk in the bed constantly.
  9. Let them choose what they want for dinner. They eat what you eat.
  10. Make different meals for each kid (an even worse offense than #9).
  11. Let them watch a show during a meal (iPad or TV).
  12. Give in when you said no – you’ll forever be a pushover.
  13. Let them sleep in your bed – unless you’re cool with co-sleeping.
  14. Throw the huge, crazy expensive birthday party at age 2 (unless you plan on doing it every single year).
  15. Let them taste soda.
  16. Turn on the volume when they’re watching TV in bed with you in the morning (morning Peppa is silent Peppa).
  17. Eat in the living room or anywhere other than the table.
  18. Let them jump on the couch (that head bump will come eventually).
  19. Buy a little toy at the drugstore or grocery for no particular reason.